Managing Jealousy In Your Relationship

pete-bellis-199853-unsplash.jpg

 

Whether it’s of acquaintances, or romantic partners, we’ve all been guilty of feeling jealous at some point or another. Jealousy is a toxic emotion that can not only put a damper on your relationship, but can be the cause of a breakup it gets out of control. 

It’s important to understand what jealousy is, and what it’s triggered by. Jealousy essentially is angry, agitated worry. When we feel jealous, we worry that our partner may find someone else more appealing. Jealousy is our emotional response that’s used to cope with this fear. Sometimes we may feel like our jealousy will protect us from being hurt, but really it's causing you more harm then good. 


When we become jealous of others, it’s not a reflection of them but a reflection of ourselves. This often stems from unaddressed anxiety and depression. Here are a few ideas to help you manage jealousy in your relationship:

1. Don't act on your jealousy right away.

It's okay to feel the feeling and not act on it. Remind yourself that your partner is human and will inevitably need to interact with people of the opposite gender. Remind yourself that there is a reason why they are in an intimate relationship with you. If they didn't want to be with you, they wouldn't be. Next time you feel jealous, react reasonably and try to consider the situation from your partners perspective. 

2. Remember that you are amazing just as you are!

You may compare yourself to others and become jealous of certain things or traits that other people have which you do not. Remember that there are so many great qualities that are unique to you!

3. Recognize that everyone has flaws.

What's below the surface of the person your getting jealous of? Realize that everyone has flaws that are not always displayed for everyone to see. People tend to filter what they reveal publicly. 

4. Look at your own life and use your jealousy as inspiration.

When you feel yourself getting jealous, recognize that it's happening and really ask yourself why. Instead of looking at what you are lacking, focus on using it as inspiration to better yourself.  

5. Trust your partner.

All successful and happy relationships are built on trust. As much as you'd like to, you cannot control your partner so at some point you will need to try to let your jealousy go if you'd like to continue the relationship. You do not need to let the feeling control you!


Relationships are hard. If you disagree on your partners behavior and it's causing a lot of issues, you might benefit from working with a couples therapist. Couples therapy can help provide a neutral third party who can help you and your partner work through your issues in a way that's productive. Click here to learn more about couples therapy.