Stress can occur any day, throughout the day. We all want to be our best selves regularly whether this is in work or our personal lives. Self-care practices can help us ensure we are on our A-game however there are times where we may not be able to get those practices in. There are times where we have so much stress that our bodies and minds shift to survival mode. In these times it is important to have self-soothing, survival skills to get through stressful events, distressing periods, and move forward.

Self-Soothing

So what is self-soothing? Before we go back to discussing self-care and it’s important in our success, it’s important to develop self-soothing strategies to survive. You may not realize it but you’re probably using self-soothing strategies daily. Whether it is listening to your favorite music on your commute, taking a walk and getting fresh air on a busy day, or getting to bed early after a long day, these activities help us get through daily stressors and crises. By using self-soothing strategies, we resist negative thoughts and urges. If you’ve ever resisted the urge to yell at the guy who cut you off on the highway, you have probably self-soothed in some way.

Self-soothing strategies help us get through the present moment. Self-soothing techniques might include eating your favorite meal, watching your favorite movie, or doing a facial mask. Self-soothing strategies should be activities that bring you joy and happiness, countering stress. Self-soothing is something each of us needs to allow ourselves to have. It can distract ourselves from feelings or impulses that are very difficult to tolerate.Whether it’s using a stress ball to remain calm in a meeting, or listening to calming music on the way to work, distracting via a self-soothing strategy is different from avoiding negative feelings or experiences altogether. 

Self-care

Self-care is different from self-soothing as self-care focuses on addressing basic needs such as eating healthy foods, exercising, taking care of personal hygiene, meditating, attending therapy, managing medical needs, and others. Self-care might be setting realistic goals for yourself each day or creating positive self-statements for yourself each day. 

Self-soothing vs. Self-care

So what is the difference between the two? Self-care focuses on building up resilience, and the ability to thrive and move forward, whereas self-soothing focuses on back-up skills for use within a crisis or when needing support to resist some type of negative urge. Self-care involves changing habits, which may not feel comfortable in the moment. However, the discomfort is followed by long-term benefits in areas of our personal and professional lives. Self-soothing is helpful when we need to move past something distressing in the moment. Your self-soothing skills are tools in your toolbox to use in immediate situations. It’s crucial to practice these skills so that your toolbox is at the ready whenever you might need it and you feel confident in the skills you have selected to use.

Examples of Self-Soothing Techniques:

• TIPP skills are a set of skills that come from distress tolerance skills in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). 

  • The “T” in TIP stands for temperature. A reflex called the mammalian drive is activated in response to cold water or ice, so that you calm yourself and your nervous system quickly. Here are some examples of this aspect of TIP:

    • Hold your breath for 15-30 seconds; you’ll notice that your heart rate slows down and blood is redirected to the heart and brain.

    • Hold a bag of frozen vegetables or run cold water on your cheeks or over your eyes.

  • The “I” stands for intense energy. Calm your body by channeling energy you have stored up from emotions into activities like a short walk, jumping jacks, pushups, or another brief activity. 

  • The “P” relates to paced breathing - breathe deep into your belly and count to five, then breathe out for a count of 7. You can do this with paired muscle relaxation - as you breathe into your belly, tense your muscles enough to notice tension, not harming yourself, and then breath out and let go of this tension as you think/say the word “relax”. Repeat as needed.

TIP skills, amongst other distress tolerance skills, can help regulate and lower the intensity of your emotions, allowing you to calm down quickly from a distressing event in order to function and survive until you find relief, release, and safety. The goal of these skills are that you can easily use them in a variety of situations, switching off as needed whether you’re in a meeting or on your way to an event. We all need the right tools to survive and thrive. Using the TIP skills, among other skills, allow us to move past difficult moments. Practicing these skills before a crisis builds up the muscle memory so that these skills are easily utilized in a distressing moment. 

When might self-soothing come in handy in your life? If you need some support in developing self-soothing skills, click here.