Communication is vital in any relationship (romantic, workplace, family, friendships). Communication helps in sharing expectations, feelings, disappointments, and opinions. Being open in these relationships helps to strengthen the bond between them. This communication is essential when you feel disappointed or after your feelings are hurt; however, these situations are the most intimidating to approach due to fear of rejection or an argument. When approaching these difficult conversations, it is important to enter with a soft startup to lay the foundation for a productive, calm conversation.

Before approaching a difficult conversation, take the time and wait for a calm moment where you are both alone and away from distractions. Attempting to approach a difficult conversation when emotions are high can make it challenging to think rationally and proactively. Typically, this works best if neither of you is stressed, angry, upset, hungry, or tired. Ideally, setting up the stage for this conversation after a relaxed meal or sitting together is good.

It is essential to be mindful of your body language and tone of voice. Approach the conversation with the mindset of teamwork and a problem-solving attitude rather than a manner of blame or argument. Make sure to keep a calm demeanor and avoid raising your voice or rolling your eyes.

Once the setting and tone feel appropriate, it is time to approach the problem. When approaching the problem, it is crucial to focus on the impact/effect the situation has on you rather than focusing on assigning blame to the problem. This can be done effectively using “I statements,” which are set up as “I feel/felt (insert feeling) when (insert the situation).” These statements help to effectively communicate and place focus on how it is that you are feeling. A few examples would be: “I feel upset when we don’t spend time together” or “I felt angry when the trash wasn’t taken out.” Utilizing “I statements” helps the person you are communicating with not feel as though they are being attacked and can better understand why you are approaching the subject.

Take time to be specific in what it is that is bothering you. Sometimes it feels easier to be vague and nondescriptive, but this does not help the other person understand the specifications as to what it is you are looking to resolve. Be direct in your communication in identifying the problem as specific as possible while avoiding overgeneralizing words such as “always” or “never.”

Throughout the difficult conversation, checking in with yourself and how you are feeling is essential. If you think you are becoming angry or upset, pause to regroup and calm down your emotions.

Finally, listen to the other person’s perspective on the problem. There may be something they will communicate that you were unaware of or had overlooked. Being open to feedback and engaging in a joint discussion can help better work together as a team to find a solution to the problem. It is important to remember that the purpose of this complex conversation is to find a solution or to feel resolved within the problem. To do this, you must be open to problem-solving and considering the other person’s thoughts in this process.

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