Having challenges with your quality of life can come from many sources.  When you take what happens to you and combine it with your reactions (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, choices, etc.) you get the formula for your quality of life.  Most of what happens to us lies outside of our control, which can influence thoughts and feelings we often feel initially, in new situations.  However, it is important to understand that the subsequent thoughts and feelings we have, and the beliefs they form, are very influential on our overall quality of life.   It is here that a skill referred to as Loving Kindness was developed from eastern meditative practices as a way of reducing stress-reinforcing beliefs and improving overall quality of life.  

When building skills for something like anger management, skills that focus on humanizing the source of your anger and building compassion for others, even those you dislike, are the most effective skills to develop  These skills help to reinforce the idea of building a set of beliefs that reinforces peace of mind and aids in finding a balance of joy and distress rather than beliefs that keep a tight grip on anger and other emotions that greatly impact life quality.

Loving-kindness skills are a well-researched part of Buddhist practices and have inspired many guided meditative practice videos that can be found on YouTube.  The steps are simple but do take a lot of practice, especially if you do struggle with projecting kindness to those whom you find it difficult to do so. These steps have been shown to reduce depression as well as PTSD symptoms within three months of regular practice according to a 2013 study out of Seattle Institute for Biomedical and Clinical Research by David Kearney and colleagues.

Though there are different ways to verbalize these steps of loving-kindness, generally the steps are as follows:

• Begin by maintaining a neutral and comfortable body position.  Then close your eyes or simply look at a spot on the floor.  Imagine the people in your life that love you and/or think kindly of you and allow yourself to receive that love and kindness.  This may be aided by the use of mantras like “may I be happy”, “may I receive love and kindness”, and “may I achieve peace and health”.

• Next, think of the people that are closest to you and that you value the most in your life both in the past and currently.  Then repeat the same thoughts and mantras you did for yourself; “May you be happy, at peace, and receive loving kindness”.

• Now think of people who are neutral to you.  People who may be acquaintances, and focus on wishing them loving kindness: “may you experience loving kindness”, “may you be happy”, and “may you be free from pain”.

• Lastly, think of all those in your life (including those who may cause you distress) and extend your loving kindness to all; “may you be at ease”, “may you have balance in your life”, “may your happiness come easily to you”.

There are many resources available online to assist you with developing a loving-kindness practice, as well as many different mantras and formats to practice this skill.  I urge you to take some time and find one that fits you and give it a shot.  And may you achieve peace, may you be happy, and may you feel the loving-kindness from others.

Seeking additional support in finding inner peace and giving loving-kindness to yourself and others? Click here.