As a society, there are often conversations that occur about the breakups and endings of romantic relationships; however, it seems that there are very little conversations about the ending or “breakup” of friendships. In a romantic relationship there is typically a conversation and formal ending, which provides some sort of closure and explanation. Whereas friendship “breakups” don’t always have the same sentiment, phone calls and texts become fewer and further between, and soon the only updates you really know about their lives are on social media. These friendship “breakups” cause unanswered questions along with some confusion as to how to grieve this ending. Society and pop culture display the grieving of a romantic relationship ending, but the friendship breakups seem to be less displayed or discussed. On the flip side, due to the lack of conversation about friendship breakups, it can cause individuals to feel an obligation to maintain friendships in life that no longer serve any positive purpose. The friendship can continue to go on, despite feelings of being hurt, because “breaking up” with a friend can be seem unorthodox.

I think that my friend may have “broken up” with me, what do I do? You may be reading this and now asking yourself this question. Just as a romantic relationship, it is okay to grieve this ending. Friendships take time and space in our lives so when they end, it can be upsetting and frustrating. Make sure to honor and acknowledge the emotions that you are experiencing, whether this is through conversation, in thought, or even through journaling. Give yourself the space to grieve without any judgement of yourself. In this process, take the time to reflect on the friendship and identify anything that may have happened that contributed to the ending. Reflecting can sometimes help in answering questions you may have about this ending, or you may even find yourself identifying character traits that you do not wish to find in another friend. After you have given yourself this time, make sure to accept the ending of the friendship and allow yourself to move forward.

I don’t know if my friend is right for me anymore, now what? You may be struggling with a friendship that you feel does not provide any support or positivity to your life. This may have come over time as you have grown in different values and interests, or this friendship may have never even been adding any benefit to your life. It is okay to have this realization, in fact, it is natural. As time progresses, we change and grow in ways that we did not expect, and sometimes our friendships do not grow with us. Take the time to reflect on your friendship and ask yourself if it adds positivity to your life or if it feels simply like an obligation. Friendships are supposed to be supportive, respectful, and uplifting. Once this realization comes to fruition, it then becomes the question of moving forward in the realization. It is up to you to decide on whether to have a conversation with this individual detailing your feelings or if you would keep this person in your life with additional boundaries. Remember, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to end the friendship, just move forward in a way that feels natural and fulfilling to your needs.

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