Most parents have been in the situation where their child continues to act out, break rules, or even talk back; all these situations can be frustrating and disheartening. Now think back to these times and how it is that you reacted. Did you find that your reaction was effective in changing or stopping the unwanted behavior? The way that parents react and discipline in these situations can be a great learning opportunity for their child.

It is understandable to become frustrated in situations where your child is not listening, breaking the rules, or being downright mean; however, it is how you manage and move forward with this frustration that sets an example and helps to teach your child preferred behaviors. The following are some helpful tips:

1. Time-outs: We’ve all heard of a time-out, that overly used phrase of “go to your room” when feeling frustrated. Time-outs can be effective if they are used correctly. To start off, a time-out should never come as a surprise to your child. Give your child a fair warning that a time-out may be coming, this provides your child to take the situation into their own hands and decide to change their behavior. By allowing them to have that decision on their own provides empowerment and an opportunity for growth. If you find that the warning did not make a difference, then move forward with a short explanation as to why you are placing your child in time-out and begin this punishment. It is important to have a designated time-out area free from distractions (typically this would not be your child’s bedroom or playroom because they are full of distractions). Time-outs should not last for very long, the longer the time-out the increase in frustration from your child. It is recommended that the minutes in a time-out equate to the age of your child, start the timer once your child is sitting quietly in their time-out area and pause this timer if they begin to act out while they are in their time-out.

2. Acknowledge the good: It is usually easier and second nature to notice negative behavior, however it is extremely important to honor good behavior as well. By enforcing your child’s good behavior, it helps them to recognize and learn that this comes with good consequence. Take the time to acknowledge and praise when your child listens to you or is being good, even a small acknowledgment of “thank you for listening” or “good job putting your toys away” can go a long way. Curbing unwanted behavior can start with acknowledging the good.

3. Take a break: While you are trying to teach your children right from wrong, it can also present as a frustrating time for you, especially if your child continues to not listen or present as dysregulated. It is important to check in with yourself and how you are feeling throughout this process. If you find yourself getting increasingly frustrated or upset it presents with more difficulty in parenting with a clear, decisive mind without acting on emotion. Allow yourself to take breaks to calm down before providing discipline. If you have a partner, try to tag team with them on more difficult days that way neither of you are feeling burnt out. Taking a break for yourself also mirrors positive behavior and calming down strategies for your child. Some children, you can even express “I’m going to go take a quick break to calm down my emotions” to show your child self-regulation.

4. Be consistent: It is important to enforce and be consistent in the boundaries, rules, and expectations that are set for you children. The consistency helps for them to better understand and have knowledge of the positive behaviors they should be engaging in. Once boundaries, rules, and expectations begin to waiver, it can cause confusion for your child and make it harder for them to know what is expected of them. 

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