The holidays are full of long hours of travel, running from location to location for social gatherings, schmoozing with relatives you rarely see, last-minute shopping and frantically searching for the final ingredient for your signature dish. There is a real pressure to perform during the holidays and create these “Hallmark” moments to remember forever.
Within the stress of the holidays, it is easy to transfer that stress onto children as we try to manage all that is going on in preparation and as part of our regular day to day. The combination of parent and kid stress, as well as shifts in routine during the holidays is a recipe for disaster. Our expectations and hopes for the holidays typically block us from seeing what the holidays really are. As a child you recall memories of imperfection that brought joy and wonder; laughing at a burnt turkey or everyone helping to pick the tree up when the dog knocked it down. Recalling these memories show us that focusing on the moment, attending to needs in the moment, is more important than a perfect holiday.
As parents, when we focus on others’ expectations and our own worries around this, it impacts the relationship and time spent with our children. In these situations, children may be fighting against unrealistic expectations, leading to more negative behaviors and beliefs. Kids may also not feel heard or learn to take space and care for themselves if parents are focused on keeping up with others. Rather than focusing on others, focus on taking space to model for your children how to engage in mindfulness and self-care, and have open conversations about not needing to follow others’ expectations during the holidays. These conversations will be positive memories of the holiday season in and of themselves.
