Miscommunication occurs when we lack awareness of the language we use and how it impacts others. When taking responsibility for the words we choose when communicating, we shift how we feel about ourselves and our relationships. In considering the words we use to express our feelings, we develop relationships built on honesty, authenticity, sincerity, and openness. Below are some tips for using mindful communication to express ourselves in ways that feel honest and real.
Avoid speaking in the third person.
When you use words such as “you”, “people” or “it”, instead of “I”, you place responsibility on others rather than yourself. This can lead to confusion, defensiveness, and miscommunication.
Use “I” statements
Using “we” shows inclusiveness or that an idea is shared, however, it also hides “I”-statements and confuses your message if you are trying to share your own wants, feelings, needs, beliefs, or expectations. Use “my”, “mine” or “I” instead of “this”, “that”, or “the”, as well as these, can be used to avoid our own feelings also leading to confusion when speaking to others.
Avoid questions, use “I”-statements.
Avoiding statements and asking questions takes away the opportunity to express our individual feelings and opinions. In using “I”-statements, we express our feelings and beliefs which can deepen our connection to others.
Stay away from qualifies that dilute the truth of our experience.
We use qualifies when we don’t trust our feelings or are uncertain about whether our experience will be validated by others. In doing so, we diminish our power and weaken our message, furthering miscommunication. Qualifies include “I guess”, “Maybe”, “Kind of”, “Probably” and many more.
Cut out nullifiers from your vocabulary as they diminish self-responsibility.
Nullifiers are words that disconnect us from opportunities and choices. Nullifiers include “should” instead of “could”, “I don’t know” instead of “I don’t want to”, or “can’t” instead of “won’t”. Nullifiers bring up feelings of guilt and shame. Often these come from an internal, critical voice. Check in with that voice and consider where it comes from, then consider whether you “want” or “don’t want” to do something.
In using mindful communication, we stress that what we say to others is valued and important. It shows that we want to share ourselves with others. Consciously using language allows us to take responsibility for how we feel and what we want to express. In communicating mindfully we express ourselves authentically without guilt and shame, leading to a reduction in blaming others for feeling misunderstood. Mindful communication leads to clarity and confidence as we can achieve what we want and are better understood by others. While mindful communication requires practice and may be challenging at first, this allows us to feel amazing because we are building up relationships, confidence, as well as increasing the ability to feel heard and validated.
