We all know that anger is a normal emotion and valid in many situations. However expressing anger through yelling, expletives, or aggressive behaviors can lead to negative consequences. It’s important we find ways to share our anger with others in ways that allow the other to hear and understand us. 

Calmly Share Your Feelings

It’s natural to feel anger in various situations. Rather than confront someone without warning, leading to defensive, request a time to speak. Share clearly what the situation was that upset you. Focus on how you felt in the moment, how you perceived the situation, rather than telling the other person what they did wrong or what they could have done instead. We’ve all heard that we should use “I” statements and this is true, as it reduces defensiveness because you are focusing on your experience and seeking clarification from the other person.

Focus on Specifics 

Aim to focus on the specific situation that caused you to feel upset, as well and avoid accusing the other person. Again this goes back to “I” statements. Share the feelings you had in a particular situation, avoid blaming the other person. Be clear on what specifically upset you and why.

Avoid Blame

Defensiveness can lead to arguing. When you share your feelings in a situation avoid blaming the other person or trying to tell them what they did wrong. Try not to criticize or tell the other person what they did wrong, as this will lead to the other person feeling hurt and reacting negatively. Don’t force the other person to respond in the way you want. This won’t feel genuine and will lead to more resentment.

Become Solutions-Oriented

When upset, often this signals there is something wrong that we need to resolve. That means you’ll need to work collectively with the other person to find a solution. This also means if you are both upset, finding a specific time to speak when you have both calmed down and can hear one another out fully. Aim for a time you both feel comfortable with, in a setting both of you feel calm and safe in. 

Anger is a valid and natural emotion. However, holding onto this anger can lead to resentment and further negative emotions. Being able to clear the air and resolve situations evoking anger are crucial to moving forward and improving health and wellness.

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