On social media or in conversation, the term “relationship goals” has gained popularity as a term used in response to an example of a relationship that one feels represents the desired relationship in their life. In couple’s therapy, goals are crucial to establish and continue to interact with and update throughout the process to help keep the treatment focused and productive for the couple. Being able to develop genuine and wise-minded goals is more challenging than you think.

This requires reflection, consideration, and reason. However, once these goals are established, and they feel aligned with the couple’s values, effectively achieving these goals throughout treatment can be very tricky.

Here are some Do’s and Don’ts to keep in mind once you know what your goals are to help you effectively work toward achieving them.

Do:

Remain mindful of these goals and do not allow daily life or past habits to deter you from committing to these goals as if they are important to you.

Don’t:

Try not to seek excuses or reasons why the goal is not yet achieved, as this mental habit shifts the goal from what you originally wanted to obtain an acceptable alibi.

Do:

Be patient and compassionate with yourself and your partner. Most goals require small steps and a steep learning curve, so be sure to continue making progress while suspending judgment for not having made more progress.

Don’t:

Waiting is one of the traps we fall into that stops progress. There may be a few situations where one cannot make any moves toward their goals for reasons outside of their control; however, most situations allow for some degree of progress to be made, even if it is just educating yourself on a topic. In most cases, the need to wait to make progress is a myth.

Do:

Break your goal down into smaller and achievable steps. This can be as small as you need it to be in order to maximize the likelihood of it happening. Additionally, these small steps can more easily become habits that support your goal long-term.

Don’t:

While breaking down habits into smaller steps, one can make them too small. Try to break the step down to be small enough that it can happen but large enough so that you feel proud about achieving a difficult thing.

Do:

Communicate with your partner about the goals regularly and honestly. Allow your partner to know if you have concerns or are happy with the progress, or both. This can foster support which can maintain momentum toward your goals.

Don’t:

Don’t get stuck in a fantasy. Goals are effective when they are reasonable and grounded in facts. Try to keep your perception of your relationship healthy and realistic both now and as you make progress toward your goals.

These Dos and Don’ts are just some ways in which how we interact with our relationship goals affect how effectively we may achieve them. Additionally, the quality of life while achieving your goals can also be affected by how you go about it. If you, or someone you know, need extra support working on your relationship goals or struggle with some of the ideas mentioned above, please feel free to reach out and make an appointment.