Whether you began a relationship with your partner many years ago or just found each other, the impact of life-changing events can throw the chips up in the air for many relationships.  The need for building new habits and routines alone can cause stress in a relationship.   With all the changes that can occur in daily living, relationships have been tested to their limits in the events of things like divorce, loss of a job, having a baby, relocating, etc.   Whether is it a large societal shift or increased anxiety about individual life changes, a new normal is not something for which anyone is fully prepared.  So, what is it that one could do to build resiliency in your relationship so that it is given its best chance for success in challenging times?

Relationships have a few themes in them that can easily affect the quality of day-to-day life in a relationship. When remaining mindful of these themes, one can promote effective strategies and habits that can make a relationship very adaptable and resilient.  With the changes from life events, these themes become more paramount and promote keeping your mind on the foundations of the relationship. As we review these themes keep in mind what barriers may exist in your commitment to them in your relationship.

Theme one- Communicating

This is one of the most important themes in any relationship, however during large changes, our expectation of “reading each other’s minds” is increasingly problematic.  When circumstances change, needs tend to change, and if changing needs are not communicated effectively, then they tend to go unmet. It is vital to sit down regularly and dedicate time and effort to understanding the needs of your life and that of your partner.  This can include writing lists, creating pros and cons over certain choices, or planning a calendar of step-by-step commitments to your responsibilities and needs. 

Theme two- Rebounding

Change will cause stress and stress will cause conflict. In the hours and days following an argument is where one should nurture their relationship even more.  Failing to rebound from bad days is what allows the effects of these days to compound into something that could become your main stressor.  Take this time in your relationship as a motivator for building a new rebound pattern where you and your partner talk and reinvest in each other. 

Theme 3- Trying

These and other relationship tips are all well and good, but we all have our moments of urgency, distractions, or just needing time to recharge.  Trying in our relationships can be described as realistic expectations coupled with a mindful effort toward what you and your partner agree to be the relationship goals.  No one will be perfect.  Life could easily create a situation where there are no avenues that do not require the sacrifice of time, energy, and personal or professional goals.  In these undesirable moments where our efforts in your relationship should remain a commitment, the situation may not get resolved, yet your relationship and the value you ascribe to it would be well nurtured.

These themes are ways to get back to basics when we are thrown a curveball in life but can be helpful at any time in a relationship.  Realistic expectations may need to look different, but we can still appreciate our partners while validating emotions, including our own.  If you communicate honestly with each other, rebound effectively with each other, and exhibit and recognize effort with each other, you will also be able to draw strength from each other.  Stay healthy and take some time to talk with the important people in your life about what makes them important. 

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