Often when we think of Valentine’s Day we think about hearts, love, gifts, and planning. For many who struggle with anxiety or worry thoughts, Valentine’s Day can be full of worries around disappointing someone else. Worries around being alone and your future relationships can also come to mind if you do not have a partner. For those struggling with depression, cynical thoughts around unworthiness of finding love, cynical thoughts around the commercialization of the holiday, or hopelessness around finding a partner may occur. With so many thoughts like these, it is likely that Valentine’s Day can be difficult for many!

Although difficult, there are strategies we can use to overcome unhelpful ideas constructed by our anxiety and depression. There are lots of ways to build love and joy during the Valentine’s Day season. Here are a few tips to help:

1. Set clear expectations: If you’re in a relationship, acknowledge that both you and your partner are not perfect and that no perfect celebration is realistic. Our society holds unrealistic beliefs around relationships being perfectly supportive of others at all times. Rather than comparing your relationship to false ideals, focus on setting expectations with your partner of what you love in your relationship. Share with your partner what feels special about your relationship and schedule time to celebrate that, it doesn’t even have to be on Valentine’s Day.

2. Do something that expresses love and appreciation for yourself: Whether you are in a relationship or single, do something to show yourself love and appreciation. Set up a video chat with friends, eat your favorite meal, try yourself to your favorite activity, do something for you. We don’t need others to give us compassion, gratitude, or positive experiences. We can do this for ourselves.

3. Write down a list of those who love and care about you: Take time to write down a list of people who have loved you and have shown you care and compassion. Focus on your gratitude for the influence these individuals have on your life. Whether a friend, family member, therapist, coach, or teacher, creating a list like this allows you a constant reminder that you have a strong community you are connected to.

4. Write a letter of gratitude to your partner, especially if you’re having conflict: By writing a letter of gratitude you can refocus your thoughts around the parts of your relationship that are important and meaningful to you. Couples with successful relationships focus on the good things about one another and tell their partner’s these things in order to build one another up.

5. Write yourself a letter of gratitude: Write yourself a letter sharing gratitude for yourself. Speak about your ability to persevere through difficult times, speak to your ability to be a good friend and colleague. Give yourself words of affirmation for all you do. If you are up for it, ask a friend or family member to share what they like and admire about you as well. Reflect on these positive thoughts in both positive and negative times.

Whether in a relationship or single, use this Valentine’s Day season to reflect on those things that are positive in your life and gratitude for both yourself and others. 

Click here for support on reflecting across all positive areas of your life.