Commitment phobia is the fear of commitment and making important decisions in all areas of life: relationships, big purchases, or any promise to another person. Being in a relationship with someone who is commitment phobic can be tough. You should look out for the signs prior to getting too serious, so you know what to expect.
People with commitment phobia may not display every one of these symptoms, but the more they check off, the more likely that they are commitment phobic.
1) Their past relationships were short or noncommittal
If they talk about having a series of short relationships, unless they are young, they probably don’t like to commit to long term relationships. It is also a red flag if they have had long relationships that didn’t involve any serious commitment on their part.
2) They are not willing to commit to dates in advance
Someone with commitment phobia prefers to make same-day plans or commit only a few days in advance. Making plans for the future is a major cause of fear for them.
3) They refuse to RSVP to events
Someone with commitment phobia will have difficulties RSVPing to an event, unless it is strictly required of them. They would prefer to say that they might come to your party or that they will probably be there to avoid making the commitment.
4) They use a lot of modifiers when speaking
With things, such as RSVPing, if you listen carefully, you will hear probably, maybe, or I might more frequently than other people. If you ask what time they are coming, they will say I will probably be home by 5, not I will be home by 5.
5) They are very sexually active
Those with commitment phobia have a need for intimacy just like everyone else. This need can’t be met by being close to one person if they struggle with commitment. To compensate for this, they may be sexually active with multiple partners.
6) Most of their relationships are undefined
When in a relationship with someone with commitment phobia, you are likely to not have a serious conversation about your relationship status. You probably find yourself not knowing what kind of relationship you have, even if you have been with them for a significant amount of time.
7) They won’t say the L-word
When someone has commitment phobia, they usually struggle with expressing their feelings. They could even tell you that they are afraid to have feelings. This leaves them likely to not say they love you.
8) They don’t like to use the words boyfriend and girlfriend
The relatively innocent words of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ can even signify too much of a commitment. They might avoid talking about the status of your relationship or offer an excuse as to why they don’t like labels.
9) They don’t have a lot of close friends
They might know a lot of people and even call them friends. But if you look into their relationships a little further, they may not have many close relationships with others. There is likely no one in their life that they can talk to about everything.
10) They are unpredictable
You may not know how to predict what they will behave like or the mood they will be in today. They can be really sweet one day, but then avoid you the next day.
