Do you ever realize some conversations that you walk away from end on a positive note, where others can feel daunting and discouraging? To break this down, everyone has a unique way in which they communicate and express themselves to others. It is important to be aware of how you communicate with others because it can make it easier in navigating conversations. These habits impact how others perceive you and your needs. There are four basic types of communication styles, all of which can promote different outcomes of a conversation.

To start, some align with the communication style of “aggressive communication”. Aggressive communication can sound critical, demanding, or attacking. Those that communicate in an aggressive manner usually engage with intense eye contact, and speak in a loud tone. While this can often result in the message being received and/or getting what it is that the communicator is seeking, those receiving this type of communication will have their needs ignored and unmet.

 Another form of communication style is “passive communication”. Those that engage in passive communication put the needs and wants of others before their own. They have difficulty expressing their thoughts and feelings with others. Those that engage in passive communication present with difficulty making eye contact, being overly agreeable at the expense of their own feelings, and they may speak with a lack of confidence. If you find yourself engaging in this type of communication it can lead to a build up of overwhelming emotions and feeling as though you’re always being taken advantage of. Others do not get a chance to hear how you are truly feeling and sometimes don’t even recognize that you have different opinions.

What if you engage in some aspects of each of the above? Consider “passive aggressive communication”. This type of communication can present to be passive on the surface, but in reality there is aggression and frustration hidden beneath the words being delivered. One’s true feelings and emotions are portrayed in very subtle, indirect ways.  Passive aggressive communicators often use sarcasm, have difficulty acknowledging their emotions, and their facial expressions may not match up with what they are communicating. Sometimes passive aggressive communicators will engage in the silent treatment, mutter to themselves, or may spread rumors. Sometimes others will pick up on this subtle form of communication, but it can result in frustration, hostility, and needs being unmet.

So what is the most effective communication? “Assertive communication”, leaves room for listening and compromise. This type of communication offers respect for the other person while also making one’s needs known. Assertive communicators often display meaningful eye contact, use “I” statements, display effective listening skills, and know how to say no to others. These types of communicators allow conversations to feel smooth and effective, where both parties walk away feeling satisfied with the discussion that occurred.

Take the time to reflect on which type of communication style you best align with. Are you satisfied with the way you communicate with others? Do you feel like the way you have been communicating has been effective? If you find yourself answering “no” to these questions, don’t be discouraged, rather take the time to have increased awareness of how you can make changes to your communication with others.  

For support and assist on improving your communication style, click here.