Understanding Emotional Waves
Emotional experiences can feel so overwhelming, convincing us that they are insurmountable—like a large wave coming over you as you stand in shallow waters. This is a fitting metaphor for emotional spikes. Just as one can be overtaken by a large wave, one can also learn the skills needed to read the onset of the wave, position themselves effectively with it, and surf the wave, allowing feelings to be experienced with mastery and confidence.
Because we experience emotions every day, learning to surf emotional waves can be practiced daily. The first step is seeing your feelings as a wave: strong, influential, and temporary. Many cognitive patterns that lead to mental health challenges are habits that take single-emotion events and reinforce them repeatedly until they feel chronic. Typically, the emotion only lasts a few seconds or minutes, and any lingering feelings are maintained by thoughts, beliefs, and responses. With this understanding, one can experience the emotional wave effectively before allowing it to return to the ocean, never to come back in that exact form again.
Steps for Surfing the Emotional Wave
1. Observe the Emotion
One cannot easily surf a wave they cannot fully see. Practice being mindful of the onset of the emotion. Say it out loud to yourself (e.g., “I am feeling anxious,” “I am depressed,” or “I am afraid”). Like a wave, allow the feeling to exist and don’t resist it (wishing it were gone) or fight it (repressing emotions or turning them into anger).
2. Position Yourself
Positioning refers to taking purposeful actions that equip you to ride the wave rather than stand in its way. These positions may include coping skills such as paced breathing, meditation, sensory soothing techniques, visual imagery, or simply lying down until the initial emotion has passed. These positions help you move with the wave rather than resist it, making the experience more manageable.
3. Ride the Wave
Once positioned, riding the wave is about patience with yourself. Allow your positioning to do its work and experience the emotion without giving it more time or intensity than it naturally carries.
4. See Your Ocean
While riding emotional waves becomes easier over time, it is important to reflect on your past experiences. Recognize your strength, resiliency, skillfulness, and commitment, and bring those lessons into future waves without judgment. Mastery comes from learning through mistakes and integrating those lessons into your emotional growth.
Embracing Emotional Surfing
Eventually, waves (intense emotions) become what they are: natural parts of our existence that can either overtake us or educate and enrich us, depending on how we respond. Emotional surfing, like real surfing, requires practice, so be patient with yourself. Remember that your feelings are valuable, and no matter how they roll in, they always return to the ocean.
Seeking support as you learn to ride your waves? Click here.
