Avoidance coping. Have you heard of it? If not, if you’ve ever experienced procrastination, rumination, or passive-aggressiveness when trying to avoid thoughts or feelings that make you uncomfortable or when trying to avoid taking on a new task, you have engaged in avoidance coping.
So what is avoidance coping? Also known as escape coping or avoidance behaviors, these are maladaptive forms of coping that involve us changing our behavior to avoid thinking or feeling things that are uncomfortable. Avoidance coping means we are trying to avoid potential stressors rather than taking them on. It can feel, at times, that avoiding stress is a good way to feel less stressed, however that really isn’t the case. We need to deal with things in order to experience less stress or in order to feel less stress. Rather than avoiding, we want to manage stress with healthy coping strategies.
Instead of avoidance, why not try active coping? This is coping that aims to address a problem head on, as a way to alleviate stress. Active coping can look like talking through problems to alleviate relationship stress, reframing a situation in order to view the positives of it, or budgeting to reduce financial stress amongst other ways of coping.
When actively coping, you address the stress rather than avoid it. Active coping can be done behaviorally, where the problem is addressed directly, or cognitively which involves thinking about the stressor.
We often use avoidance coping when we don’t want to face a stressor head on. Those who experience anxiety are also more susceptible to use avoidance coping as it can be seen as a way to avoid anxiety-provoking thoughts and situations. However, this way of responding to stress can often exacerbate anxiety. Avoidance coping exacerbates stress and anxiety as we struggle to face things that are stressful to us, head on. Avoidance coping heightens stress by:
Allowing problems to grow
Not solving the problem that caused stress, thus they are less effective than proactive strategies that minimize stress.
Allow anxiety to grow
May be viewed as frustrating to others, so using avoidance strategies can cause conflict in relationships and reduce social supports.
While it may seem some forms of coping are not healthy, there are some forms of coping that might appear passive but are healthy. These forms of coping may not approach the problem directly however they do impact our response to the problem. There are techniques one can practice to help feel calmer when facing difficult situations. Coping skills for stress like exercise and mindfulness activities can decrease the likelihood of a stress response when facing a problem, and can even increase self-confidence. These techniques can also empower us to face our stressors more effectively. However, keep in mind that not everything that minimizes stress in the moment is a good form of passive coping. Shopping or binge eating may feel good in the moment however there are negative consequences when engaging in those strategies over time.
So how do we reduce our avoidant coping, here are a few ways:
Understand what it is and why it doesn’t work
You’ve already begun this by reading this post! Now that you have an understanding of why avoidance coping is self-defeating, you’ll be more able to talk yourself out of it and practice more effective ways of managing stress.
Recognize when you’re doing it
Think of the times you tend to use avoidance coping. Maybe you procrastinate? Maybe you avoid discussion of certain issues? Keep track of these times and try to notice these when you begin to do so in the future.
Use stress relief coping skills
When we calm ourselves down, it’s easier to not be as reactive, and shift to a proactive approach to coping with stress. Strategies to cope with stress can increase your confidence and belief in your ability to handle stressors which makes it easier to let go of any avoidance coping you may engage in!
Practice emotional coping techniques
Meditation and journaling have been found to be highly effective in managing emotional stress. When we utilize techniques to calm ourselves and reduce stress, we feel less threatened, enabling us to face stress head-on.
Practice tolerating uncomfortable feelings
This will help you tackle these feelings in a stressful situation! Try a mindfulness-based stress reduction class or meditation techniques online.
Name your active coping options
Try to reframe negative thoughts when in a stressful situation, consider alternative options to a situation that you may not have originally recognized. Think about what you can do to alleviate your stress and do it!
Take small steps
Sometimes a stressful situation can feel overwhelming, so taking the first step might be more doable. Try a small step in the direction of being active in your coping, then you may feel more comfortable taking larger, more active steps.
Seek additional support if needed
It’s okay to ask for help. Seek support from a therapist ways to cope with avoidance as well as additional ways to manage stress.
While it is often easy to avoid a problem in the moment, by facing any problem or stressor head on you can engage in coping strategies to help you through the moment smoothly and quickly. For more information or support in developing positive coping strategies click here to get connected to a therapist.