The difference between emotional and physical infidelity has become a hot-button issue. Emotional infidelity involves a romantic partner caring for, showing appreciation for, sharing intimate thoughts with, or giving their heart to another person. Those engaging in infidelity will often fantasize about the other person sexually, however do not have sex with that person. The debate becomes whether both are infidelity and many people have varying beliefs.
What are some of the triggers leading to emotional infidelity?
Emotional infidelity may begin when a relationship has lost its passion. Partners may have settled into auto-pilot interactions, struggling to communicate with one another, and often not spending time with each other. In these situations, one partner may confide in another person, like a colleague at work or a friend via social media. Often a partner may feel that their significant other does not listen, understand, or pay attention to them. Emotional infidelity can occur when a partner develops feelings toward someone else they are confiding in or spending time with.
Emotional infidelity has become easier, given the ability to connect online. as the access is more immediate. As the relationship builds with that “friend”, emotional infidelity can lead to physical infidelity, the consequences of which can be devastating to those involved. Women typically find emotional infidelity more devastating than men, because men are more likely to view love as a sexual connection rather than an emotional one. Women find emotional infidelity more upsetting given that love is about relating. (Mons Bendixen et al., 2015)
The research behind emotional infidelity shows that this is a bad sign of a relationship surviving. Eighty-percent of those who divorce say it is due to a lack of closeness and intimacy, basically they grow apart. If a couple lacks a loving connection and a partner finds this with someone else, the relationship is more likely to fail. Research has shown that cyber-cheating is seen by couples as just as serious of a threat to a relationship as a sexual affair (Mao, 2009).
Jealousy can also lead to emotional infidelity. Often times work relationships, online flirting, connecting on social networks, or speaking to exes can be viewed as cheating relationships.
How do you determine whether a relationship is considered under the umbrella of emotional infidelity?
Consider these six factors:
1. Feeling less connected to your partner than another “friend”.
2. Complaining about your partner to a “friend” and feeling like they understand and appreciate you more than your partner.
3. Thinking about, fantasizing or having sexual feelings toward your “friend”.
4. Wanting to spend more time with your “friend” than your partner.
5. Your significant other being unaware of your feelings toward your “friend”.
Want to heal your relationship and avoid emotional infidelity?
Here are four tips to get you started:
1. Speak about problems in your relationship directly to your partner or a therapist, rather than a “friend”.
2. Acknowledge that emotional infidelity can be a serious threat to a marriage or relationship.
3. Know that the individual engaging in this external connection needs to move away from the “friend” in order to successfully work to heal their relationship.
4. Work to improve intimacy and friendship in your romantic relationship. Get to know your partner again through activities you enjoy together. Try to have listening sessions where each partner takes a turn listening to the other and other times focused on romantic activities or shared interests.
Couple’s counseling is a great way to work through your relationship with an unbiased third party. Click here to get started with a couple’s therapist.