Most people who have experienced a breakup know how painful they can be, especially if you were not the one who decided to end things. Along with the feelings that already come with a breakup - sadness, loss of motivation, obsessive thoughts - we tend to make ourselves feel guilty, angry, or embarrassed by our feelings. You may think to yourself, ‘Why can’t I just get over this?’ or ‘If they ended the relationship, I shouldn’t want to be with them’. Unfortunately, our brains are not wired this way and your feelings are usually warranted. It may make you feel more validated to know that there are legitimate scientific reasons as to why breakups are so difficult.
Do you ever wonder why some people seem to be able to overcome obstacles and struggles more easily than others? That is because they may have more resilience. This is a trait that you are born with, but that can also be worked on and enhanced. Everyone can benefit on working on their resilience, so here are some tips:
It is common when fighting with someone you love to say things you later regret. This stems from our worst fears being brought out, whether it’s a fear being abandoned, betrayed, or unseen. When we fight with those we love, we often want to be heard and work through deep issues. Unfortunately, in the midst of fighting, resolutions don’t always come so easily. If you notice that you are becoming triggered, you should remove yourself from the situation. One of the best things you can do to prevent the fight from continuing is to allow one or both of you to take a short break. This works when there is a prior agreement and strategies in place. Here are some guidelines:
The key to learning to work together as a team is to remember that every healthy relationship involves give and take. Both individuals have to want to participate fully and find ways to support each other for a balanced, mutually fulfilling relationship. It will be worth it to set some time aside to discuss which tasks each of you are good at and which ones are challenging. If your spouse is stronger in an area that is difficult for you, maybe they can take over that responsibility. If you are both weak in a certain area, think about ways you can get outside help. Here are some tips you can utilize in your household to support your spouse with ADHD:
It is common for misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments to build up in relationships where one or both members of the couple have ADHD. This is the most likely when the symptoms of ADHD have never been properly diagnosed or treated. The upside is that building a healthier and happier partnership can always be worked on if turning these problems around is a priority. The more you learn about ADHD and the role it plays in your relationship, you can create more positive and productive ways to respond to challenges and communicate better.
It is difficult for most families to develop happy and healthy relationships, which is why it is even harder when attempting to blend two families. It can take years and a lot of work for stepfamilies to establish working and comfortable relationships. The hardest years and generally the first few, as there are unique challenges to the couple in getting to know each other, while also trying to nurture the children’s relationships with each other and the stepparents as well. Here are some tips on blending families:
The parent-child type of relationship is seen frequently in marriages where one partner lives with ADHD. Typically, the non-ADHD partner takes on the role of the parent and the partner with ADHD the role of the child. It generally starts when the partner with ADHD does not follow through on tasks, such as paying a bill or leaving the laundry out in a pile. Naturally, the non-ADHD partner will step in to handle more of the household responsibilities.
Money can be a stressful topic, which is why it comes as no surprise that combining finances with a partner can be a difficult task. Sharing finances traditionally occurred after marriage when the couple moved in together. In today’s society, many couples are combining their homes and financial lives prior to marriage, which can get a little tricky to figure out at first. While every relationship is different, here are some tips to help you and your partner avoid financial fights.
Validation is the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. It is a skill that is not commonly recognized, but is extremely important in forming healthy relationships. It is frequently heard within relationships that one or both of the individuals do not feel heard or understood. This can be the case for romantic relationships, family relationships, working relationships, and friendships.
It is no mystery that we live in a competitive society. This could be part of the reason why children as young as 2 emphasis winning and will even cheat. They desire to be successful, which is usually the driving force behind cheating. Here are some reasons why children cheat and how you can deal with it.
Arguments tend to gain momentum. What usually starts out as a reasonable, casual discussion, can quickly lead to nit-picking and screaming. In the moment, an argument can make you feel as if you are totally out of control. The key thing to do during these times is to attempt to take control over your actions.
Emotions can get the best of everyone at times. We tend to lose control of our emotions during an argument, after a personal failure, or when we are concerned about a loved ones. If we leave our emotions unchecked, it can lead to regretful actions or words used in the heat of the moment. And it is not always our anger or sadness that has the ability to lead us to bad decisions, it can be happiness or excitement in certain contexts, if not regulated. Have you ever made a plan with someone based off being in an exceptionally good mood, only to realize the next day you have little interest in fulfilling your new obligation? This is where emotional regulation comes in.
It has been shown that the attachment style developed in childhood effects our relationships as adults. While people tend to stay within the same attachment style through adulthood, people do change and adopt behaviors or traits from multiple styles. The different types of attachments should be seen as a continuum.
Bowlby found that attachments with the primary caregiver usually develop during the first 18 months of the child’s life. This includes instinctual habits, such as crying and clinging. Once children reach the toddler stage, they will form an internal working model, which means they already have frameworks and beliefs about their own self-worth and how much they can depend on others to meet their needs.