As much as we would like to never experience grief, it is a universal experience that is unfortunately inevitable. Grief is the acute feeling of shock, overwhelming sadness & pain when someone passes away. It comes on suddenly, is strong & usually knocks the wind out of us. Grief comes in waves & may impact you at different times in your life. For example, if you just received a promotion at work, your first instinct might be to call your mother to share the good news. As you pick up the phone, you suddenly remember that your mother passed away a few years ago. The realization that she is no longer living, causes feelings of grief to wash over you. This is how grief ebbs & flows. Grieving on the other hand is the process of how we adapt to this loss in order to move forward with our lives. Grieving is fluid & demonstrates the relationship we have with grief as it changes over time.
Exploring Dimensions of Wellness
When many of us think of “wellness”, the first thing that may come to mind is our physical or mental health. Although our physical and mental health are important aspects of our wellness, there are many more contributing factors. Debbie Stoewen identifies eight separate, but equally important, components of wellness (2017). These eight components, named the “Dimensions of Wellness”, are independent of one another, but can also significantly influence and impact each other as well. These dimensions don’t require equal attention paid to them, but neglecting one can have negative consequences on the others, including our overall wellness.
It's Parade Season!
It’s that time of the year again. St. Patrick’s day can be a highly anticipated celebration for many people. Many times there are parade’s and day long events that often include excessive alcohol intake. People usually start early and day drinking can be something glorified and bragged about on social media. If you live in or around the Jersey Shore you know that parade season can last a few weekends. This trend can leave a lot of triggers for people who are recovering and trying to protect their recovery with substance use. Even if you want to go to the parade, the temptation and environment can be difficult when you see people inebriated, slurring their words, and being rambunctious. The boardwalk’s starting to come alive again. Bars are flooded and food concessions are open.
Is this Laziness or Procrastination?
Are you lazy or is this just plain old procrastination? In order to answer this complicated question, let’s first examine the definitions of both. Procrastination is defined as the act of delaying or postponing something. Laziness on the other hand is voluntarily choosing not to exert energy to complete something. Even though they sound similar, procrastination & laziness are not one in the same. Do you ever make a to-do list and then feel psychologically paralyzed when it’s time to begin? You are not alone. Many people get caught in a cycle of putting things off, which inevitably results in unwanted procrastination. The old saying goes, too many tomorrows & tomorrow never comes.
Emotional intelligence
Most people are familiar with the standardized assessment and scoring to assess intelligence- IQ (intelligence quotient), but oftentimes the topic of emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient) is overlooked. It can be helpful to learn and implement skills that assist in understanding and increasing emotional intelligence.
Creating & Maintaining Friendships
In my own experience, and in the experiences of many others I have spoken to, it can be difficult to find new friends or even socialize in general. The Covid-19 pandemic forced many of us into isolation and we are still dealing with it in many ways nearly three years later. At the same time, many of us are getting older and our friend, or ourselves, might feel distanced from long-time and childhood friends as we navigate conflicting work schedules and developing families of our own. Many of us may be moving hundreds or even thousands of miles away from our homes and friends or many of our friends might be doing the same. We may no longer be in school where socializing is convenient and encouraged and we may not be spending time wandering around our neighborhoods, meeting new people. Having a support network of friends, and socializing, is an important aspect to our mental health and well-being. So, what are some ways we can fulfill our need to socialize and maybe make some new friends?
New Year, New Me
We have heard it before. New Years Resolutions. At the stroke of midnight, we kiss our loved ones, wish them a happy new year, and set some goals for ourselves to be better. If you are someone to abandon that shortly after you set your sights on change, you might be reading this blog. Why is it easier for people to trail off with their goals and revert back to their old ways? Changing habits is actually hard work and because that work requires more time, attention, and commitment, it’s easier for us to let go of that and be where it is comfortable, our “old” self. Perhaps you have reached a point where you are entirely fed up with who that person is.
Tips for Blending Families
Blending two families can be a complex and challenging process. With some basic skills and commitment to ideas like being patient, having open communication, and a willingness to compromise, it is possible to create a harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic. Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you are in the process of blending two families:
Grieving The Loss Of A Furry Friend
After a significant loss such as a pet, grief begins. The loss of a pet can bring up varying emotions. Pain, sorrow, sadness, anger, and even sometimes feelings of shame for experiencing these emotions over “just a pet”. These emotions are natural during the grieving process, and it is important to take the time to take care of yourself in this. The following are some helpful ways to assist you through your grieving process. Remember, everyone experiences grief and loss differently so some of these may not feel necessary to you and that is okay! Make sure you are doing what feels is right for your own grief because with grief there is never a “right” or “wrong” way
It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like The Holiday Season: Coping with Stress Around the Holidays
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or don’t celebrate any holiday at all, this time of year can be particularly not the jolliest time for some. In fact, the celebrations, the get-to-togethers, the gifts, or realizing that your family are not people you look forward to seeing can be difficult to admit. Perhaps you do not have any close friends or family and this time of year is a glaring reflection of that. This is a typically stressful time for most people whether you have excitement and parties to look forward to or not. The logistics of planning something, financially making the season work for you, the pressure to get the holiday cards out, bake the cookies, buy the food, clean the house, put up the decorations, and deal with the family drama that may ensue from hosting the holiday this year can be especially draining. If you are someone who does not celebrate at all, or being around your family is a trigger, this can be a vulnerable time for you. The seasons are changing, it's getting darker earlier, and it can be a bitter fight to stay sober, not relapse with substance use, eating disorders, or general mental health.
Reacting vs. Responding
When an unexpected situation or conversation occurs that does not go in your favor, it is second nature to act upon the first thoughts and feelings that come to mind. However, these thoughts and feelings may not always be the most effective way to handle whatever the situation may be. It is important to respond to situations rather than to react. You may be thinking, what is the difference? Reacting and responding are similar in nature as both come from a place of wanting to be heard or understood. However, there are differences between these two.
Erikson's Stages of Development
Erik Erikson (1902-1994) is a psychologist most well known for his model on psychosocial development. Erikson’s focus on the social aspects of development, and the impacts of social influences on our development, differentiated his model from others and provided a framework that would progress the field of psychology for decades to come. Erikson’s stages of development theory details eight distinct and consecutive stages one progresses through to develop a healthy sense of self.
Forget New Year’s Resolutions- Focus on Self Care Instead!
The holidays are now over & it’s time to assess the past year- Are you working too much? Are you feeling fatigued & stressed on a regular basis? Are you isolated & withdrawn from friends/family? Are you experiencing a low mood or poor sleep? Are you having difficulty concentrating or feeling unmotivated? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be experiencing burnout.
Morning Madness: Getting Ready To Leave The House With a Child… As Stress Free As Possible
Picture this: it is a Saturday morning, and your child has a soccer game. You spend the morning rushing to make sure your child eats breakfast, puts on their clean uniform, and has a bag packed of necessary items. As you are pouring your coffee in a thermos before you run out the door, your child gets comfortable on the couch and turns on the television. You remind your child as you approach the door, “we are getting ready to leave, turn the TV off, and let’s go!”. Your child, who is zoned into their favorite show, does not listen, and continues to watch the TV. Frustration sets in and all patience disappears as you are looking at the clock and opening the door, “Bye! I’m leaving without you!”. Those simple five words then causes your child to begin crying and screaming, a full-on meltdown. The frustration grows bigger, and a fight begins, causing you to then be late for the soccer game (which you were trying to avoid happening). The result: you are agitated, your child is upset, and now you are late. Many have been in this position, when you express to your child that you are leaving without them. While this expression may come out of frustration, it can be considered a fear tactic which may invoke long term stress or fear of abandonment within your child. It is important to avoid invoking this fear because it could foster mental health and emotional difficulties. Getting your child ready to leave the house can become a positive experience to foster the growth of time management and responsibility by making a few changes to that morning routine.
Understanding Mental & Physical Health
Mental health and physical health have commonly been considered two entirely different and separate things. However, the two are very closely related in many different ways. At the broadest level, poor mental health negatively impacts one’s physical health and poor physical health may negatively impact one’s mental health. However, positive physical health promotes improvements in mental health and vice-versa. Many factors contribute to both one’s physical health and mental health; however, the benefits, or consequences, one has on the other are significant.
Winter Survival Guide: Protect Your Mental Health
Staying Mentally Fit in the Dark Winter Months
As we begin to prepare for the holidays, this is also the time we turn back our clocks to standard time. In order to remember which way the clocks move, we’ve named it “fall back” & “spring forward.” Falling back means changing the clocks back one full hour, resulting in earlier sunsets & later sunrises. This ultimately means more darkness throughout the rest of Fall & Winter. Darkness can feel increasingly isolating & is known to exacerbate already existing mental health problems such as depression & anxiety. Changing back the clocks also negatively impacts our circadian rhythm (body clock), disrupting our sleep/wake cycle & the production of melatonin. Darkness increases the production of melatonin, thus leaving us to feel more tired, sleepy & fatigued in the winter months. In essence, sunlight is directly linked to our circadian rhythm therefore it is no surprise that when the sun goes down, we begin to get sleepy, even if it’s only 5pm!
Social Media and Mental Health
The rise of social media has been one of the greatest changes our culture has seen over the last two decades. What began as a niche activity for younger generations has become a worldwide phenomenon for everyone of all ages, genders and backgrounds. Social media has allowed us to talk to and engage with friends and family across the globe with ease, access professional services from our homes, receive news and information with the click of a button, and engage in our hobbies and interests anytime and anywhere. However, as social media use continues to become more and more prevalent, and many users find themselves using social media more frequently, many people have found themselves experiencing harmful consequences as a result.
Sundays Don’t Have to be Scary
The phrase “Sunday scaries” is one that has been normalized and frequently used in our society to refer to the “fear” or anxiety that comes on a Sunday when anticipating the upcoming work week. Due to this, Sundays have slowly become less of a relaxing weekend day and have become replaced with feelings of worry, restlessness, and a sense of dread. While it is okay to begin to anticipate the upcoming work week, it becomes problematic when the “Sunday scaries” completely take control and ruin the day. Overall, it is possible to take back control of your Sunday and not make it so scary.
The Importance Of Saying “No”
The word “no” is just two letters but can feel so intimidating and off putting to say to others. To some, this can be one of the most difficult words to udder. Despite the want to say “no” to another person, the words “yes, absolutely” or “no problem” can come in its place. Next thing you know, you are committed to a task or an event that you did not want to complete or attend. Saying “no” is an important skill to acquire and practice in order to begin prioritizing your own mental health and emotional needs.