The word “no” is just two letters but can feel so intimidating and off putting to say to others. To some, this can be one of the most difficult words to udder. Despite the want to say “no” to another person, the words “yes, absolutely” or “no problem” can come in its place. Next thing you know, you are committed to a task or an event that you did not want to complete or attend. Saying “no” is an important skill to acquire and practice in order to begin prioritizing your own mental health and emotional needs.

Why do you say “yes” when you want to say “no”? This is an answer that can vary amongst the population, but more commonly there is a fear of conflict or disappointing another person. Saying “no” can bring the fear of not being liked by others.

How do I determine if I should say “no”? It can feel unnatural or selfish to say no, but there are times that this is an appropriate answer. Ask yourself these questions before making the decision to say “yes” to something, it is important to be honest with yourself as you go through these questions. These questions can help to bring a different perspective as to the reason for your “no”.

1. Is this something I am doing just to avoid conflict?

2. Is this something that crosses my own personal boundaries or beliefs?

3. Am I feeling overloaded or burnt out right now?

4. Am I going to say “yes” just because I am feeling guilty or obligated?

5. Is this something that makes me feel uncomfortable?

6. Are there any challenges that will come up for me if I say “yes”?

7. Is this something that I am interested in or want to do?

8. Do I have the time for this?

How do I say “no”? It is important to be direct in saying “no” rather than leaving an open-ended response that could cause interpretation of what it is that you are saying. It may feel like being indirect would “soften the blow”, but it could cause confusion or place increased pressure on yourself. Over time, saying “no” will feel more natural but for practice, here are some examples of how to say no:

1. No, I can’t do that.

2. Thank you for considering me, but I am unable to do that.

3. I wish I were able to, but I don’t have the time for that.

If you would like to give an explanation, or an alternative that is fine too! Play around with the different variations to see what feels best for you.

How do I deal with these feelings of guilt for saying “no”? To start off, the feelings of guilt may come naturally if this is something new that you are putting in to practice. Acknowledge the feelings and engage in distraction techniques that way they do not take control over you. It is important to remind yourself that saying “no” does not make you a bad person. In fact, saying “no” can be one of the best forms of self-care and being true to yourself. Take the time to engage in positive self-talk in affirming your decision being important for yourself. Remind yourself that you are not rejecting the person, just the request that they are making and that if this person does care about you then they will not change their opinion of you for saying “no”.

Click here for additional support when navigating the feelings that come from setting boundaries around saying “no”.