Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or don’t celebrate any holiday at all, this time of year can be particularly not the jolliest time for some. In fact, the celebrations, the get-to-togethers, the gifts, or realizing that your family are not people you look forward to seeing can be difficult to admit. Perhaps you do not have any close friends or family and this time of year is a glaring reflection of that. This is a typically stressful time for most people whether you have excitement and parties to look forward to or not. The logistics of planning something, financially making the season work for you, the pressure to get the holiday cards out, bake the cookies, buy the food, clean the house, put up the decorations, and deal with the family drama that may ensue from hosting the holiday this year can be especially draining. If you are someone who does not celebrate at all, or being around your family is a trigger, this can be a vulnerable time for you. The seasons are changing, it's getting darker earlier, and it can be a bitter fight to stay sober, not relapse with substance use, eating disorders, or general mental health.
Some things you can do to maintain your sanity, protect your recovery, and manage this holiday season with better skills are discussed here!
Figure out your vulnerable areas. If your family are social drinkers, ask if they will support a dry celebration, or bring your own non-alcoholic beverages and have a support with you that can help in moments of weakness. If you struggle with body image and/or eating disorders, see if your family is willing to accommodate some safe foods for you, or offer to bring your own. If you know where you may be triggered the most, you can plan for it ahead of time.
Set boundaries. If your family has a lot of drama that seriously affects you, consider reducing the time you spend there, working on your communication skills to set boundaries or let someone know if they have upset you. Learn to leave the room, step outside, or perhaps it’s best to save the holiday for you depending on the situation. If your family oversteps your self-respect and your efforts to set boundaries, reflect on if it will be helpful and effective for you to go, or to stay home and make other plans.
Bring some coping skills with you! Do you have a fidget toy or item you can bring and keep in your pocket? Wear the comfiest and soothing clothes so you can focus on that sensation if things get tense. Wear some perfume or bring something that smells nice to you to engage your five senses and ground. Take a break and splash cold water on your face or step outside. Create an uplifting or soothing playlist for the ride over and while there. Maybe you need some other activities like a book or word search. Reflect on what will soothe you the most, help you remain mindful, calm, and grounded, and try to bring those items along.
Find ways to connect with humanity. If this time of year is lonely for you, find areas where you can volunteer and extend your compassion and empathy to others. This time of year can put people into the spirit of helping and serving and can be incredibly rewarding.
Finally, commit to improving the moment or situation. Sometimes life is not as we would like it to be or want it to be. The hard truth is that if we truly accept it for what it is, we can move forward and start to change it, feel better about it, and/or tolerate it for the time being. Once you can embrace your reality, you can focus on shaping it to the best it can be rather than continue to sit in it and dwell. Is that to connect with friends? Take a vacation? Have your own celebration with people who also don’t have families to go to? You can find ways to still have a rewarding and meaningful time or extend your services to help others to fulfill yourself.
For additional support around the holiday season and beyond, click here.