Thinking about expressing emotions to others can bring up feelings of uncertainty and fear. Many of our behaviors, both conscious and unconscious are learned early in life. Thus, if emotions associated with these behaviors were not validated growing up, it can feel overwhelming to try and share them as adults. Additionally, witnessing behaviors and behavioral patterns from important figures in our lives conditions us to develop beliefs about our emotions. For many of us we may have grown up in homes where no one discussed their feelings or in a home where certain feelings were linked to being “bad” or “good”. That being said, as an adult this can then lead to difficulties in understanding how to regulate your emotional experiences. No matter what you may or may not have learned, it’s important to understand your feelings and emotions, including how they manifest in your body. Here are a few things that are important to keep in mind when we think of emotions.
Emotions are part of being a human.
Our emotions communicate important information to us. We are built to feel a continuum of positive and negative emotions including anger, fear, sadness, excitement, love, and happiness. Our emotions allow us to understand, connect, and communicate with others and ourselves. Emotions let us know when we need to support a friend, fight for ourselves, or leave a situation. Feeling our emotions is part of survival and can lead to living a more fulfilled life. However, for many of us, we have been taught that emotions should not be felt and rather suppressed or ignored. Rather than celebrating our emotions, there have been negative connotations placed on how important all emotions are.
Suppressing our emotions leads to negative consequences.
Not understanding or identifying your emotions can lead to negative consequences. Research shows that when we suppress our emotions we can become more aggressive and easily agitated. Blocking emotions or controlling emotions that need to be felt can build up inside of you, causing you to feel them unexpectedly, at inopportune times. The more our feelings build up, without allowing them to be expressed, the more overwhelming they feel. This can also cause us to turn to more unhealthy ways of coping with our emotions such as using substances or turning to food to manage emotions. Not identifying and allowing yourself to feel emotional cues can lead to a variety of physical health issues including IBS, heart disease, and lowered immune systems.
Connect with your emotions.
Whether you are someone who suppresses emotions, feels overwhelmed by them or is unclear what certain emotions even feel like, it’s important to make space to connect to them. Many of us are not taught how to be in touch with emotions, however that doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to regulate your emotions and feel them in healthy ways.
Here are some ways to practice connecting with your emotions:
Stop and observe: Take a moment during your day and check in with yourself both mentally and physically. Ask yourself how you are feeling. Do you notice any tension in your body? What thoughts come up for you, whether positive or negative? Try to be nonjudgmental as you explore what is going on for yourself in the moment.
Breathe: As you observe sensations you are experiencing, and identify feelings you may have, take a few, deep, controlled breaths. Make the exhale longer than the inhale. This type of breathing activates the vagus nerve, which helps to regulate emotions and our nervous system. When you breathe deeply, you support the regulation of your emotions and reduce the intensity of your emotions in that moment.
Engage in self-compassion: Remember that you are human, and all humans experience a range of emotions. When you have a negative response to your emotions, this is likely due to something you learned when you were younger. Honor all of your emotions; this is one way to accept yourself and practice self care. Research shows that practicing self-compassion and self-soothing releases oxytocin to our bodies, which makes us feel calmer and more connected with ourselves and others.
It can seem daunting to begin to feel your emotions, especially if you have been taught to do the opposite. However, emotions need to be felt so you can release them and move forward; even the most difficult emotions do not last forever.