We all have people in our life that make us so frustrated or so angry we just want to strangle them! I’m sure you can list a few people who have hurt you in a significant way? Or perhaps you hurt someone and feel bad about your own actions.
One of the hardest things to do is forgive, whether it be yourself or others. We can all use some help in learning to do better. Learning to forgive is good for our mental and physical health. Research has shown that when you forgive you experience reductions in stress and tension, levels of depression and anxiety, and intensity of anger.
Anger greatly impacts our mental and physical health, increasing our stress reactivity and risk for illness such as heart disease. Hostility and anger are actually associated with cardiovascular disease. When we struggle to forgive, we hold in resentment, anger and bitterness which impacts us in many ways.
While you may know forgiveness is good for you, it can be hard to put into practice. There is no easy solution to make forgiveness an easier task, however there are a few concepts to keep in mind when working on forgiving someone else:
Forgiveness does not mean you have to forget. Just because you forgive someone for an experience does not mean you do not forget what happened as well.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you minimize the experience you had. It does not mean, “It’s okay, it wasn’t so bad” it simply means you can forgive in the face of a negative experience.
Forgiveness does not indicate weakness.
Forgiveness doesn’t require that the other person apologize and accept your offer of forgiveness. Often times we cannot expect the person who wronged you to understand that what he or she did was wrong; in fact they may not admit that what they did was problematic at all. You can still forgive for your own benefit. You do not need them to give you permission to forgive.
Forgiveness is a process, it is not black-or-while, cut-and-dry. You may not be able to completely forgive someone however you can work toward getting closer to this. You may not reach a “10/10” on your 10-point forgiveness scale, but you can move from a 4 to a 7. It’s a process.
Forgiveness is for you, for your health and well-being. Research shows that when you hold onto anger, it is toxic for your health and well-being therefore forgiveness is something that you do for you. It is in your best interest to forgive others, for your own benefit.
The key to forgiveness is letting go of anger. Individuals who have experienced horrific traumas still cope in life as they are able to forgive themselves and others. They work hard to let go of anger and resentment so they can move forward. They do not forget and do not allow themselves to continue to be victimized. They let go and choose to forgive (whether the other person is deserving or not).