Emotional experiences can feel so overwhelming. So much so that they can make us convinced that they are insurmountable, like a large wave coming over you as you stand in the shallow waters. It turns out that this is a very fitting metaphor for emotional spikes. Just as one can be overtaken and overwhelmed by a large wave, so too can one learn the skills needed to read the onset of the wave, position themselves effectively with it, and surf the wave which allows one to experience emotions with mastery and confidence. Additionally, because we experience emotions everyday of our lives, learning to surf your emotional waves can be practiced every day. This starts with seeing your feelings as a wave; strong, influential, and temporary… yes… temporary. Many cognitive patterns that lead to mental health disorders are habits that take single-emotion events and reinforce them again and again until they feel chronic. The emotion typically only lasted a few seconds or a few minutes at most and any secondary or lingering feelings are being upheld by what your thoughts, beliefs, and responses create. With this understanding, one can experience the emotional wave effectively in the moment before allowing that wave to return to the ocean never to come back in that exact form ever again. Here are the steps for “Surfing the emotion wave”:
Observe the emotion. One cannot easily surf a wave they cannot fully see. Practice being mindful of the onset of the emotion. Say it out loud to yourself. (i.e. “I am feeling anxious”, “I am depressed”, or “I am afraid”). Just like the wave, allow the feeling to exist and don’t resist (wishing it was gone) or fight them (repressing these emotions or turning emotions into anger).
Position yourself. This would refer to all the other positions you can take to ride this wave rather than simply standing in its way until it comes. These new positions would include that which better equips you for riding this “wave”. These may include many coping skills such as paced breathing, meditation, sensory soothing techniques, visual imagery, or just laying down until you recognize the initial emotion has passed. These are some purposeful positions (or skills) you use to move with the wave rather than resist or deny it, which can make those waves harder to ride.
Ride the wave. Once you have positioned yourself for the wave, the ride is just about having patience with yourself. Allow the positioning to do its job, and ride the emotion without giving it any more time or intensity than it would have on its own.
See your ocean. While riding emotional waves will become easier and more prevalent, be sure to take time to gaze out at your past experiences and allow your strength, resiliency, skillfulness, and commitment to exist and be with you on your next wave, and the one after that, and the one after that, building the entire time. Mastery is not achieved without the education of mistakes. Simply try and bring those lessons into your next wave without judgment.
Eventually, waves (intense emotions) become what they are; naturally occurring parts of our existence that can overtake us or educate and enrich us, depending on how we learn to respond to them. Emotional surfing, just like real surfing, takes much practice, so be patient with yourself and remember that your feelings are valuable… and as much as they may roll in, they always return to the ocean.
Seeking support as you learn to ride your waves? Click here.