As we end Halloween and approach Thanksgiving, thoughts of other winter holidays begin to come up. And the activities that surround these holidays can bring about panic, anxiety, stress, and a feeling of all the things we “have to” do. These “have to’s” such as cooking, decorating, buying gifts, getting together with others, etc. are the “have to’s” many of us face throughout the holiday season. With so many things to do, these “have to’s” can take a toll on our well-being. But do we really have to do all of them? Not necessarily. There are ways to make sure you find a balance between what you want to do, and what you have to do this holiday season.

Consider what you want to do versus what you “have to”. Do you have to host the holiday dinner for family? You may “want to” get together with your family and friends without all the prep and planning of a dinner. Rather than focus on what you “have to” do, try focusing on what you “want to” do. For example, do you “have to” make fresh bread for a holiday dinner? No, you can still see the people you “want to” see with something store-bought. By shifting our thoughts from negatives to positives, we can celebrate the holiday season with much less stress.

So what can you do?

When considering whether something is a “have to” or “want to”, do a reality check. Will your family be upset if you do not bake twelve pies from scratch? Do you have to decorate every inch of your house with holiday decorations? Do you need to learn calligraphy to send out holiday cards? Is it necessary to run to each family member's house on one day versus spreading them out? Most likely, the answer is no. Consider ways you can reduce some of the “have to’s” this holiday season in order to enjoy the holidays while also not running yourself ragged.

Decorate only using your most favorite decorations
Consider using paper plates instead of fine china — unless part of the pleasure of the season is setting the table with your finest china, in which case it’s a “want-to.”
Get everyone on board with limiting the number of people to buy for. Some families only give gifts to children. Others draw a name out of the hat and only buy a gift for that one person instead of purchasing presents for the whole gang. Decisions like these reduce the financial and emotional stress for everyone.

If some of the options above aren’t possible, here are a few more ways to reduce “have to’s”:

If you just can’t see your way clear to cutting things out or cutting them down to size, there are other ways to reduce the “have-to’s.”

Ask for help. We do not have staff on the roster to help us prep or clean up holiday get-togethers. And this amount of work can make us feel more stressed and enjoy the holidays a lot less. Consider decorating at your get-together, so that you enlist family members’ help.
Accept help. Rather than take on everything yourself, get good at thanking others for their help and accepting it if someone wants to bring a dish to a gathering or help you clean up.

By reframing “have to’s” and problem-solving around these, you have more time to enjoy the holiday season. No matter what holiday you celebrate, try to free yourself from as many “have to’s” as you can. Gift yourself time to do what you want this season.

It’s always alright to ask for support. If you need some additional support coping with holiday stress and balancing out your “have to’s”, click here.