As the holiday season approaches, there is often talk of it being “the most wonderful time of the year” with increased emphasis on joy and celebration. However, the topic of stress and/or increased sadness related to holiday functions are often overlooked. Whether it may be feeling increased pressure, toxic family dynamics, financial difficulties, or any other concern; the holidays can negatively impact our own mental health if we are not taking care of ourselves. In gearing up for the holidays, it is important to develop and be aware of our own personal, healthy boundaries.
What are boundaries? Boundaries are developed limits and rules that we set for ourselves when interacting with others. They can be physical (personal space and touch), emotional (values, emotions, etc.), or financial. These allow us to establish and prioritize our own needs while also identifying ways in which to communicate them with others.
Why set boundaries? As the holiday season approaches, boundaries can act as a guide to ensure we are taking care of ourselves. Boundaries are beneficial in maintaining self-care and having an awareness of our comfort levels in our interactions with others. Boundaries assist in fostering positive relationships while not compromising our own personal needs and emotions.
Helpful tips on setting boundaries:
Check-in with yourself: Take time to reflect on your own needs and wants. You can begin to ask yourself questions such as: “Is this something that makes me feel comfortable?”, “How do I feel about spending time with x person?”, “Are there topics of conversation that I do not want to explore with others?”, “Am I able to (cook, give gifts, travel, etc.) as I have in the past?”. Checking in with yourself is beneficial in increasing your self-awareness of your own personal needs and values.
Practice saying “no”: Oftentimes, it can be difficult to say no to others due to feelings of guilt or wanting to uphold a specific standard; especially during the holidays when you begin to receive invitations, requests to cook food, or even gift exchanges. However, when you fall under this pressure and begin to say “yes” to everything, you pose a great risk of increased difficulties for yourself (ie: burn-out, financial deficits, over-extension, etc.). Saying no allows you to assert your boundaries while engaging in self-care.
Redirecting uncomfortable conversations: When gathering with others, there can be varied values and viewpoints amongst the group which can often result in uncomfortable conversations and feelings. Additionally, these gatherings can include intrusive questions about personal matters. If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable answering a question or engaging in a specific topic, respectfully make others know that you do not wish to speak about this utilizing “I” statements (“I don’t feel comfortable talking about this”, “I feel upset by this conversation”, etc). You do not need to reveal information or discuss something that is outside of your comfort zone.
Don’t let your guilt win: At times it can feel difficult to express your boundaries with others due to fear of how they will react. Even if someone else is upset by these boundaries, it does not invalidate your own personal needs or values. In those moments, it is important to remember and remind yourself that prioritizing yourself is not a selfish act. When you let your guilt win, you are compromising your boundaries and personal needs.
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