Love can have a language of its own, from the way we show love to the way we like to receive love. It is important to be in tune with how you prefer to be loved by others, this can make it easier to understand what it is we are looking for from others. It is also important to understand how your partner likes to receive love because this can make it easier to make them feel appreciated in their own way. In 1992 Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book “The 5 Love Languages” which can help to work as a guide, noting five areas that are most prominent ways that individuals show and receive love. Take a minute to reflect on how you feel appreciated or loved by others, now look at the following descriptions of the five love languages to see where you align!
1. Words of affirmation: This love language specifically focuses on positive affirmations, words of appreciation, and verbal (or written) expressions of affection. Frequent expressions of “I love you” or “I really appreciate that you did…” go a long way. Words of affirmation help to feel comforted and valued in a relationship.
2. Acts of service: This love language refers to actions that your partner takes to show affection. Typically, these actions include going out of your way to show this affection by helping with errands, completing chores, or even stopping for a pick me up. Those that align with the love language of acts of service feel that actions speak louder than words.
3. Quality time: This love language focuses on the time that is spent with your partner, specifically undivided attention without any distractions. Those that align with the love language of quality time look for eye contact, active, listening, and being present whether it is sitting around the house or going out with one another.
4. Physical touch: This love languages focuses on nonverbal acts of physical intimacy with your partner, but not always in a sexual nature. Those that align with the love language of physical touch appreciate hand holding, hugs, kisses, cuddles on the couch, and sexual intimacy.
5. Gift giving: This love language focuses on receiving gifts from others, but this is not always specifically related to the monetary value of the gift. Those that align with the love language of gift giving look at the gift as a symbol of love and appreciate the thought that goes behind picking out a gift.
Now that you have learned about the love languages, it can sometimes be easier to understand why you and your partner may show love in varied ways. While it is important to be aware of these differences, it is also important to not allow this to be the “end all be all”. Use this as a starting point to better understand your partner and make changes that feel comfortable or seem fit. This can help strengthen the relationship and have an increased awareness of times that your partner may be showing their love for you that you may have not recognized in the past.
Seeking additional support on ensuring your needs are met in your relationship, or identifying how to support your partner’s and your love languages? Click here.