Anger is a very common and natural emotion that everyone experiences regularly throughout their lifetime. However, anger can spike and become intense and difficult to manage, this is when it can have negative consequences on both in the short-term and long-term. If struggling with anger management is something you can relate to, there are several skills and tools you can use to manage anger spikes and express your true feeling effectively.
Coping skills are a set of behaviors or actions that have positive benefits to one’s mental health. They can be used in situations to help alleviate any difficult emotions (ie: anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.) or they can be used daily to assist in maintaining a positive mood.
The unique thing about coping skills is that they are different for everyone! Where one skill may be helpful for you, it may be something that does not work for someone else. It may take trial and error of varied coping skills to see what is unique to helping you. Try out different hobbies or interests to see if they are helpful in alleviating those difficult emotions, commonly these hobbies/interests can also work as coping skills. Additionally, try out coping skills that you may be skeptical about because they could surprise you in a positive way. As time goes on and you begin to learn more about yourself, it can become easier to recognize the coping skills that help you to manage these difficult emotions best.
Taking the time to check in with yourself is a very important routine to establish. Oftentimes, these check ins are completed for physical health; between routine doctor and dentist visits, recognizing when an illness or aches and pains begin. When a headache or fever begins, most will take medication to assist in feeling better. While it is important to pay attention to your physical health, it is also important to focus on your mental well-being. Sometimes you may be experiencing stress, sadness, or anger without either realizing it or taking the time to take care of yourself in those moments.
On social media or in conversation, the term “relationship goals” has gained popularity as a term used in response to an example of a relationship that one feels represents the desired relationship in their life. In couple’s therapy, goals are crucial to establish and continue to interact with and update throughout the process to help keep the treatment focused and productive for the couple. Being able to develop genuine and wise-minded goals is more challenging than you think.
Anger is one of the emotions most people would put in their list of fundamental feelings that they, and most others, would experience regularly. There are entire treatment modalities and services specifically dedicated to anger management that help educate and coach individuals in recognizing anger triggers and reducing the spikes in distress in the moment. This does lead to the idea that anger is one of the most common emotions that people do struggle with in ways that directly effects their lives. Though anger is a very strong feeling and one of the ways we may choose to express how we feel in many situations in our lives, it was during my start as a therapist that I was taught, and then reaffirmed through my experiences, that anger almost always comes second. This is means that it is rarely a primary emotion and is often then referred to as a secondary emotion. A secondary emotion refers to a feeling one has about another already existing feeling. It is here that the iceberg idea begins.
If you are trying to cope with a divorce, you may experience a grieving process. Know this is normal and that there are several things you can do in order to cope with difficult feelings. Divorces can be exhausting, overwhelming, and full of negative emotions. You may experience feelings of depression, anxiety, and/or stress. Know that these feelings are valid. While you navigate through this grieving process, you may go through cycles of feelings. It is important amidst this to enjoy all the things you previously loved doing and make space for you and what brings you joy.
An individual’s attachment style is their way to relate to other people. According to attachment theory, developed by a psychologist and psychiatrist in the 1950s, attachment style is developed in early childhood in response to their relationship with their caregiver(s). Our adult attachment style has been shown to mirror the early relationship we had with that caregiver. Attachment styles include the way we emotionally respond to others. The four adult attachment styles are: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (disorganized).
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is seeing both sides or in shades of grey in a situation rather than from an all-or-nothing perspective. One of the bases of DBT is using positive distraction strategies. The following are some ideas to manage Anxiety with positive distraction to get your mind focused on something other than what is bothering you.
Intimacy is a cornerstone of any close relationship. This intimacy can come from many different parts of a relationship and look very different from one another, but they all have one thing in common; trust and vulnerability. Whether this relationship is between you and your parents, best friend, or romantic partner, if it is a close relationship then they know the real you and you trust them not to hurt you with that information. It is here that we let our walls down that would otherwise be up with other people. Having your walls down is the vulnerable state that makes these relationships so strong and meaningful. There are many myths and misconceptions about intimacy that regularly affects the quality of a relationship.
After a stressful day it can be difficult to turn off our negative thoughts and feelings. It can be easy to bring stress home after a long day at work, an argument with a friend, or whatever it may be that brought you down. It is important to take care of yourself after a stressful day by checking in with yourself and allowing a mental reset. Taking a mental reset can help in better managing your stress and not allowing it to continue the remainder of the day into the next. The following are ten tips and strategies you can use to help unwind after a stressful day:
In a relationship, whether this is a romantic relationship or another close relationship, there are a few things we, as humans, typically respond to more desirably. There are also things to which we tend to respond undesirably. Some examples of things that we respond more desirably to would include: validation, communication, loyalty, and trust. Consequently, the absence of some of or all these things can lead to what John Gottman and Nan Silver (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999) referred to as the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” for a relationship. These “four horsemen” include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. One of the most destructive of these is Contempt.
We hear the term self-care often. With many stressors in our personal lives and around the world, impacting all of us, the idea of self-care is even more prominent as the world changes and shifts. You have probably heard about many strategies to cope, such as: taking a walk, taking a nap, writing down positive thoughts and others. Let’s explore additional self-care strategies you might try.
Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is based on a dialectical module which helps one to find the middle path or gray thinking with cognition and behaviors. When you think in a "all or nothing" way, you take on unnecessary stress and tension in life. DBT helps you think in terms of "all or at least something".
When you show affection to your significant other, do you know if it's the way that they like to receive it? Love can get lost in translation when two people have different types of love languages. The five love languages are different ways of expressing and receiving love. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these styles of communicating love.
During a therapy session you have the space to talk about your emotions and stressors, confront your problems, and be provided with helpful feedback to support positive changes. The time spent in a therapy session can feel empowering, but this is only a small portion of your week. There are 168 hours in a week, less than one of those hours are spent in therapy. A common misconception is that attending your weekly therapy sessions is all that is needed, but the time in between therapy sessions also holds an important space to continue to progress. So the real question is, what do you do in the time in between therapy sessions? While there is not an exact science or formula that is guaranteed to work, the following are helpful tips and ideas to help you in between sessions.
In a committed relationship, whether this is a romantic relationship or another close and intimate relationship, there are a few things that as humans, we typically respond more desirably to for the purposes of having an effective relationship. There are also things to which we respond undesirably. Some examples of things that we respond more desirably to would be validation, communication, loyalty, and trust. Consequently, the absence of some of or all these things can lead to what John Gottman and Nan Silver (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999) referred to as the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” for a relationship. These “four horsemen” include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. One of the most destructive of these is Contempt. . However, there are safeguards that can be put in place to help protect yourself from this particular “horseman”.
Emotional experiences can feel so overwhelming. So much so that they can make us convinced that they are insurmountable, like a large wave coming over you as you stand in the shallow waters. It turns out that this is a very fitting metaphor for emotional spikes. Just as one can be overtaken and overwhelmed by a large wave, so too can one learn the skills needed to read the onset of the wave, position themselves effectively with it, and surf the wave which allows one to experience emotions with mastery and confidence. Additionally, because we experience emotions everyday of our lives, learning to surf your emotional waves can be practiced every day. This starts with seeing your feelings as a wave; strong, influential, and temporary… yes… temporary. Many cognitive patterns that lead to mental health disorders are habits that take single-emotion events and reinforce them again and again until they feel chronic. The emotion typically only lasted a few seconds or a few minutes at most and any secondary or lingering feelings are being upheld by what your thoughts, beliefs, and responses create. With this understanding, one can experience the emotional wave effectively in the moment before allowing that wave to return to the ocean never to come back in that exact form ever again.
While anger is a valid emotion and natural to feel, when anger takes over and we lose control this can lead to challenges in our personal and professional lives, impacting our emotional wellbeing. However, there are techniques to manage our anger so that we can feel in control of our emotions. Anger management strategies can be extremely helpful in managing and reducing feelings of anger. Anger management strategies include learning how to recognize what anger looks like in ourselves, how to reduce feelings of anger, stepping back and reflecting on our anger before acting on it, understanding the triggers that cause us to feel angry, and how to utilize anger in healthy ways.
We all know that anger is a normal emotion and valid in many situations. However expressing anger through yelling, expletives, or aggressive behaviors can lead to negative consequences. It’s important we find ways to share our anger with others in ways that allow the other to hear and understand us.
